Ever read an article that made you want to pull off your wig in frustration? I would have said NO until I came across this article today – only joking, do you know how expensive wigs are?
I did tug at my wig though – just kidding. I did shake my head at the impertinence of the person discussed in the report. Now I may be exaggerating, but I couldn’t let this one slide . . .
‘’I just murdered five people with my bare hands. In a hasty attempt to diffuse the situation I buried their bodies in my mother’s garden but instantaneously I realised my mistake; this wasn’t the best hiding place, so me being the mastermind I am, I grabbed my pink rubber gloves from the kitchen, squatted very low and dug the bodies up from the ground. With my recently sharpened machete I diced the bodies into small tangible pieces and placed the body parts in derelict areas around the city!’’
So, I have been trying to find a slick way to introduce my website. I tried to formulate a spicy opening sentence that would have you glued to your electronic device, scrolling your thumb like mad, sucking in my witty comments, expressive metaphors and humorous anecdotes into your cerebrum; mass intellectual capacity at its finest. However, I couldn’t think of anything efficient. . .
You know when you’re excited about a project and you can’t contain yourself any longer, and it feels like any minute you are going to explode? Like when you’ve overindulged at a BBQ and as time passes you start to feel a bubbling sensation inside your stomach. Guilt kicks in: Why did I eat five burgers? As a result of your gluttony, Don Vito Corleone provides you with a squishy, mild example of his famous line ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’ inside your digestive system: soluble bullets begin spraying ferociously around the lining of your gut. The heavy load starts to transfer to lower areas of your body and the thought of the connection your derriere will have with your throne gives you nothing but joy! Not that I’ve experienced this before, but for argument’s sake let’s say I have and for fun lets compare this to my upcoming announcement.